Haterade: Tiger Woods Gets Dropped By Gatorade

After giving something like a heartfelt public address less than 2 weeks ago it appeared that Tiger Woods was on the verge of getting his marketability mojo back, after acknowledging that he was thirsty for decent-to-dime side boos. Sadly, Tiger’s mojo took a bit hit Friday when Gatorade announced that they were joining Accenture and AT&T as major brands to sever ties with what use to be their bottom beezy.

Whilst being thirsty isn’t an uncommon attribute for any dude, Tiger was able to capitalize on his thirst with the ultimate aphrodisiac–cheese. It probably didn’t help that he was mashing the really lighter shade of brown, which incites saltiness in an underestimated amount of “haters” across the globe. All I’m saying is if Tiger was banging fat black chicks, people wouldn’t be tripping as hard.

On the bright side, both Nike and Gillette (temporarily not rolling until the block cools down) have decided to keep breaking bread with Tiger, who is due for one of those comebacks that America is known for (see Kobe, Manny Ramirez). All it will take is a few wins and he will be welcomed back with open arms. Only losers don’t recover from a setback like this.

Gatorade’s statement on dropping Tiger Woods after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Tiger Woods Ready To Chop Some Game

I know for many squares out there this may be a big deal, Tiger finally breaking his self-imposed silence and chopping a little game in front of a select audience (comprised of those that have their mind’s right), but really this is just kind of whatevs. Tiger doesn’t owe anybody but his boo and family an apology, which I’m sure he has more then done in mind, spirit and wallet, breaking bread with his real boo Elin Nordegren, like it’s Thanksgiving 2006.

While Tiger’s transgressions may have been shady to the square contingent, keeping damn near 2 dozen beezies on the roster and maintaining a stable marriage is a somewhat admirable trait. Especially considering Tiger definitely didn’t get any action when he was a younger, squarer looking version of himself, with no cheese to boot. So much like a fat kid making his first trip to the ice cream parlor, Tiger was in heaven with the power of the p-u and the new found thirst that girls he once dreamed of mashing (and a few questionables) were offering up the nana.

It’s really unfortunate that snitching has become big business and that hoes are being praised financially for being hoes. Even though what Tiger did was morally wrong in the eyes of many, their opinion’s have nothing to do with this situation, a man shouldn’t be knocked for having a solid stable. It’s the way of the world.

LOL: Shaq’s Boo Hollers At Wendy Williams

Damn, it’s a cold game out there. The Boo phenomenon is reaching it’s all-time peak, as wifeys, side boos, late nights and dumpsters alike have realized their power and influence in mainstream society. It was only a natural consequence of the ever-growing presence of sports. Even in a down economy, sports thrive and the athletes who play them garner the attention of the masses. Society has increasingly become obsessed with the plight of boos, to an alarming extent. But the reality is that some boos use their cheeks for big business now, cashing in to dime out.

Case in point, Shaq’s former boo Va’shaundya “Shaunie” O’Neal, who made a guest appearance on the Wendy Williams show recently to talk about the Tiger Woods situation amongst other things. Not that I would even remotely attempt to refer to Williams show as anything credible, it does do decent numbers and is on network TV. Ever the savvy businesswoman, Shaunie recently filed divorce papers after some news broke of Shaq allegedly creeping with another league dude’s (who shall remain nameless) boo. Shaq’s former boo decided to file the papers in California take advantage of her ability to get way more bread, even though the couple actually resided in Florida. She also wants full custody of the kids (cha-cheezy!) and enough bread to keep them in the lifestyle they are accustom to. Clever girl.

Much like amazing porno was an unexpected actuality of the internet, the boos ability to break out of her once maligned shell, is continuing to create controversy and forever change the game. It’s a sad state when the Boo’s interview is more important than the legend she became relevant for mashing. On the bright side, this recent revelation should drastically reduce side creeping, or blind hookers will see their GDP skyrocket.

Video of Shaq’s boo chopping game with Wendy Williams after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

BYD: Playboy Model Malina Rojel

You’d mash for sho. Decent cheek game as well, but nothing to write home about.

Ron Artest Reaches Out To Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger,

In reading the statements you have made, I can tell you are a stand up guy. Please remember only Jesus is perfect. You made a mistake and you admitted your infidelity.I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me. Two boys and two girls.

My wife is a much better wife than I am a husband. We still argue and disagree after being together 16 years. and I still cope with the fact that there are so many women out there and I choose to stay loyal to my wife.
I want to be home every night, but with traveling I can’t, and sometimes I might want to go to a bar or club and be one of the fellas. Most of the time I stay in, because I have my kids and wife.I cannot sit here and say the thought to have many women has never crossed my mind. If I were Jesus I could.I have known my wife for 16 years– since I was 14 years old. She was my first.

On the way to 2010 we had many ups and downs on the way, mostly my fault. But I really choose to work hard and play ball to support her and my kids. The same reason you are building your legacy. I have been disturbed by this because there are many people who are happy that this bad news has come out.
There are a lot of sports announcers and regular reporters who are not perfect in their own homes, yet they want to bring you down. You have done so much for people, the sport of golf, and your family and you gave your wife a life that people can’t even dream of.

I thought you were 36 or 37 until I read the news today. A 33-year-old man who has been a model citizen with so much at stake. This is your first publicly known issue since you started your career, compared to my 50 or more publicly known issues and mistakes. You have been the perfect role model for me and my sons for longer than anyone I have known. With the exception of a few legends. As your fan, I can’t wait to see you golf again.And us athletes know how much you personally love your family.

One love,

Ron Artest

This is just a fan mail letter to Tiger Woods fans and indirectly to Tiger himself.
Please, everyone support Tiger in these tough times for his family.

Also if you are a sports announcer or regular everyday reporter or blogger please step up like Tiger and tell your wife or husband if you have any skeletons in your closet. Especially if you were one of the few attacking TIGER!!

One Love People Via Ron Artest’s Website

Tiger Woods Wins AP Athlete Of The Decade

Despite his recent transgressions, Tiger Woods was named the AP Athlete of the Decade, after dominating golf like no one before him, making the game relevant to the masses. Woods has won 12 majors this decade and also has 64 tournament wins in his career, so his selection really shouldn’t come as that big of a shocker because who else you know that has done it like him?

Woods edged out Lance Armstrong, Roger Federer, Michael Phelps and Tom Brady in one of the most watered-down lists in recent memory. You mean to tell me that Kobe Bryant couldn’t crack the Top 5? If the vote was based merely on contribution to sport, then Bryant should be somewhere amongst this largely square contingent. Not too mention some courtesy love for LeBron. In reality Phelps should have won the award because his dominance in swimming is on par on superior to Tiger’s in golf. And he smokes them tweed and gets loose of that goose, something like a Jack square.

For those that think this vote must have been taken before Thanksgiving, it wasn’t. Voting began in November and a majority of the ballots were cast following Tiger’s infamous car accident and side-boo ambushing. Congrats go out to Woods for winning this dubious distinction, garnering 56 of 142 total votes. Armstrong came in a distant 2nd with 33 total votes.

Tiger might also be the athlete with the must side-hoes in the 2000’s. The term “juggling” doesn’t even begin to describe the amount of cakes that Woods was mashing, as it is generally limited to a 3 side-ho maximum.

In honor of Tiger’s selection, one of his sickest commercials after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Not Funny: Jimmy Kimmel Fails At Clowning Tiger

If you’re going to clown Tiger to try and get a few courtesy laughs, at least make sure it’s funny.

Technically This Isn’t A Sport, But It Should Be

Via Dime Wars

If synchronized swimming & rhythmic gymnastics are considered sports, than we definitely need to add pole dancing to the mix. It’s mixture of art, grace and athletic skill are second to none. Plus it will always give you a solid woody, and much like cornbread, ain’t nothing wrong with that. We might need to start hollering at the Bad Girls Club as well.