Head & Shoulders Lets Troy Polamalu’s Soul Glo

Head & Shoulders announced via press release that they have taken out a $1million insurance policy on the luscious locks belonging to legendary Steeler safety Troy Polamalu. Polamalu has been part of the shampoo company’s successful advertising campaign for some time now, and it sounds like they are willing to break big bread in order to protect their investment.

Polamalu had this to say about the meal ticket reserved for his wig:

Head & shoulders has gone above and beyond by insuring my Samoan locks for a cool $1 million dollars. This reinforces that my full and thick hair is unstoppable.

Although it’s great to hear that Troy’s locks are safe, it’s simultaneously disappointing that girls around the world will not be able to benefit from their thickness, shine and overall beauty.

Head & Shoulders claims that Polamalu’s locks span the length of 100 football fields! That being said, I’m hoping one day, Troy will decide to slang those Samoan locks, either to cancer patients, or to girls like me who will die for a quality weave.

[Via Huff Post]

Roethlisberger Releases Statement On Suspension

After getting benched for up to the first 6 games of the 2010 season for his alleged cookie-taking incidents, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger finally responded to Commissioner Goodell’s punishment Monday. Big Ben released the following statement:

The commissioner’s decision to suspend me speaks clearly that more is expected of me. I am accountable for the consequences of my actions. Though I have committed no crime, I regret that I have fallen short of the values instilled in me by my family. I will not appeal the suspension and will comply with what is asked of me – and more.

Missing games will be devastating for me. I am sorry to let down my teammates and the entire Steelers fan base. I am disappointed that I have reached this point and will not put myself in this situation again.

I appreciate the opportunities that I have been given in my life and will make the necessary improvements.

Whoever wrote this statement did a decent job of making Roethlisberger appear to be remorseful of his questionable actions. But only time will tell if Big Ben will truly decide to make his next move his best one and strictly deal with respectable Craigslist hookers just like everybody else.

Ewww: Maurkice Pouncey Kisses Brother At Draft

Besides having one of the most butchered names in sports history (see Anfernee), Steelers 1st-round draft pick Maurkice Pouncey might have wished that he was drafted by, Philly because he is displaying way too much brotherly love Thursday night. After hearing the draft announcement at home with friends and family Pouncey, a former Florida Gator who spent the majority of his career bent over with Tim Tebow’s hands caressing his meat, was spotted by ESPN cameras kissing his brother…on the mouth.

At first it appeared accidental, but it lasted just a little too long. After both men realized what happened, and neither decided to say “no homo,” some conclusions have to be made. If the Steelers decide to keep Ben Roethlisberger this season, he better be careful, because Pouncey might try to take his cookie, or at least try to get some extra work in after practice. Via Busted Coverage

Video of the kiss after the jump…

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Roethlisberger’s Statement On Not Getting Charged

After finding out that his cheek’s were no longer in danger, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger held a tape-delayed press conference at the team facility Monday evening, to deliver a pre-written, kind of corny-sounding statement. Whilst you should never judge a book by it’s cover, Roethlisberger looks like a guy who might have a tendency of trying to forcibly get his nut. The dude rocks a variation of the Tennessee waterfall…willingly. Roethlisberger is scheduled to meet with Commissioner Goodell Tuesday, and a decision on any possible punishment should come in the near future.

It will be very interesting to see the public reaction to Big Ben once the NFL season gets back underway in about 5 months, which just happens to be around the same amount of time that Tiger Woods took off before coming back to golf, at the Masters last weekend. Tiger may have gotten his nut from 20-plus beezies, but he has never been accused of trying to take the cookie…twice. So what’s worse: cheating on your wife 20-plus times or having 2 girls in 2 different parts of the country accuse you of sexual assault? In case you’re unsure, only one can land you in the slammer.

It will be interesting to see if the media and salty civilians have a field day demoralizing Roethlisberger. Big Ben is very comparable to Tiger in terms of star power, being a 2-time Super Bowl Champion in the most popular sport in America. Willing to bet that at most the Roethlisberger taunts will be limited to a few poor-taste chants and signs at opposing stadiums, but nobody will be flying planes over Steelers training camp with a banner that reads “Rapist” or “Big Ben…No, Means No!”…We shall see.

Georgia District Attorney Fred Bright’s statement on his decision not to file charges on Big Ben after the jump… Read the rest of this entry »

Obama’s NFL Play 60 Thanksgiving Commercial

As we told you last week, President Obama appeared in a PSA with NFL’ers Drew Brees, Troy Polamalu and DeMarcus Ware in conjuction with NFL Play 60 and United We Serve. The goal of the 90 second commercial is to urge kids to lead an active lifestyle by spending time playing with something else besides their meat. Is it just us or does Obama catch and throw like a girl? Welp, you be the judge.

LOL: Ocho Cinco Wants You To Get Your Nut Safely

It was a sad day for Bengals fans Sunday, after tricking off what appeared to be an easy win and blowing a golden opportunity to sit comfortably atop the AFC North. But like my therapist once said, “shit happens so get over it.” Hopefully this twitpic that Chad Ochocinco posted a few days ago of the Ocho Cinco condoms makes you feel a little better. Even if your schlong isn’t long enough to get down with these bad boys and you are forced to roll with the extra smedium variety.Via Black Sports Online

Obama Tells Kids To Get Off Their Lazy Asses

Always one to relish in the opportunity to kick it with some athletes or chop game about the latest news from the sporting world, President Obama is teaming up with the NFL Play 60 movement and current ballers, Drew Brees, Troy Polamalu and DeMarcus Ware for a special 90-second PSA that is scheduled to run during the Turkey Day football lineup. The President, rocking a Chicago Bear jacket out of respect for his adopted hometown, will encourage kids to get off their lazy asses and participate in some form of physical activity, other than spanking the monkey.

While initially we were all pleased with the fact that our President was an avid sports fan, it’s time for him to become a fan of a reasonable health care bill and a plan to get our gas prices back to like they were in 1999. Sports can wait bro.

Will.I.Am Calls Out Primetime At NFL Kickoff Concert

This is some crazy ‘ish right here. During the NFL Opening Kickoff concert in Pittsburgh, the Black Eyed Peas front man, Will.I.Am, took some time out from preforming to publicly challenge Deion Sanders to a race in front of thousands of fans.

During a break in the action, Will.I.Am told the entire crowd that he wanted to race Primetime and then proceeded to take his shoes off, saying he was from the hood and was no stranger to racing barefoot. Not to be outdone, Sanders took off his suit jacket and shoes, letting Will.i.am know that he was down for whatever.

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