LOL: Tommy Kelly Would Like To Azz You A Question

Raiders defensive end Tommy Kelly got caught in a compromising situation during the Silver & Black’s upset against the Broncos at Mile High Stadium. During a play Kelly’s pants somehow ended down near his knees, exposing his bare ass for the both the stadium and the World to see. Normally we are not big supporters of seeing man ass, but for some reason it always elicits a giggle or two whenever it happens during an NFL game. Such was the case last month when Bears receiver Devin Hester accidentally showed his bare ass during a Sunday Night Football game.

Video of Tommy Kelly’s moon over Denver after the jump…

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WTF! Randy Hanson Back With The Raiders

When it comes to the Raiders, much like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible. Former defensive assistant Randy Hanson is back in the building, more than 4 months after allegedly getting binged up by head coach Tom Cable and suffering a broken jaw. Hanson attempted to press charges against Cable for the incident and initially cooperated with the Napa Valley Police’s investigation into the matter. Eventually Hanson was persuaded to keep his mouth shut and the Napa Valley District Attorney dropped the charges facing Cable.

Whilst many believed that Cable would still be punished by commissioner Roger Goodell for violating the personal conduct policy, the John Goodman lookalike was given a pass by arguably one of the most cold-hearted Dons in the sporting world. Goodell must have thought that coaching the Raiders was enough punishment for a lifetime.

Cable confirmed that Hanson was back with the team on Wednesday, but didn’t seem to pleased with the move…obviously. Hanson, who was hired directly by Owner Al Davis, is currently working in the Raiders personnel department, where he is unlikely to frequently cross paths with Cable, unless both are victims of Taco Tuesdays. Davis gave Hanson a few options for re-assignment a few months back, including the option to just chill at the crib and collect a check for the remainder of his contract. But apparently Hanson is diehard football are really does love the Raiders. If I were Hanson, I would have just took the cheese and done some big chillin’ at the crib.

Raiders Fans Demand That Al Davis Give It Up

Bay Areans driving down I-880 North freeway Tuesday morning were greeted by a large billboard purchased by a group of disgruntled Raiders fans urging owner Al Davis to make his next move his best one and step down from handling any and all personnel decisions. The group is spearheaded by a 22 year old fan named Jared Staszewski, who lives on the other side of the country in Erie, Pennslyvania. Staszewski decided to team up with a bunch of other salty fans to develop a website, MessageToAl.com to raise enough funds to make this billboard a reality.

According to a press release from the group, they raised about $2,000 of the $5,500 needed to pay for the billboard and put the rest on credit. They are hopeful that other fans of the movement will donate to the cause in any way possible. The group has also obtained 21,000 signatures (with a goal of 50,000) and has but 4 simple requests for Al Davis’ old ass:

1. Please step down as “General Manager”
2. Hire a new GM
3. Hire a “Super Bowl” caliber coach
4. Agree to refrain from intervention in personnel or football operational matters

Unfortunately Al is probably somewhere soiling himself and telling anyone that will listen that JaMarcus Russell is a great quarterback. Odds are this will have no impact on the Raiders franchise and Davis will continue to make terrible executive decisions until he kicks the bucket, which shouldn’t be too long from now. Via MessageToAl.com

BYD: Nnamdi Asomugha Helps A Square In Need

LOL: Ocho Cinco Wants You To Get Your Nut Safely

It was a sad day for Bengals fans Sunday, after tricking off what appeared to be an easy win and blowing a golden opportunity to sit comfortably atop the AFC North. But like my therapist once said, “shit happens so get over it.” Hopefully this twitpic that Chad Ochocinco posted a few days ago of the Ocho Cinco condoms makes you feel a little better. Even if your schlong isn’t long enough to get down with these bad boys and you are forced to roll with the extra smedium variety.Via Black Sports Online

Dana Stubblefield Might Be Crazy…Deranged!

Damn, Dana Stubblefied. But like the Archbishop Don Magic Juan once said “these girls will test ya.”

Tom Cable’s Old Boos Say He Stomped Down On Them

Even though Tom Cable’s assault case was dropped by the Napa Valley District Attorney, ESPN has still been up his ass like a wedgie. The Worldwide Leader did a feature on the Raiders head coach on their Outside The Lines show, detailing his history of violence towards some of his old boo’s. 2 of Cable’s former girlfriends went on camera described some of the abuse that they were subject to whilst dating the John Goodman lookalike.

Both women claim that Cable stomped down on them on numerous occassions, including punches to the face. Just another example of Cable literally giving the game a black eye. In reaction to the OTL piece the Oakland Raiders released 2 statements, one directed at the allegations and one directed at ESPN:

STATEMENT ABOUT ALLEGATIONS

Over the last few days, we learned of the allegations made against Coach Cable and we are, of course, aware of his response thereto. In conjunction with the League office, we will undertake a serious evaluation of this matter.

We wish to be clear that we do not in any way condone or accept actions such as those alleged.

There have been occasions on which we have dismissed Raider employees for having engaged in inappropriate conduct. For reasons of privacy, we kept the basis for those dismissals confidential. We endured public opprobrium for the dismissals, all the while knowing our basis for them was appropriate.

STATEMENT ABOUT ESPN

ESPN’s role in this matter must be carefully examined. ESPN routinely disseminates falsehoods about the Raiders. During the last year, ESPN (working with someone who was in this organization) engaged in a calculated effort to distort the truth about the Raiders, utilizing lies and innuendo.

This isn’t the first time that the Raiders have issued a statement, attacking a media outlet for running a credible story. You might remember back in 2006 when Adam Schefter, then working for the NFL Network, broke news that the Raiders would not be firing Art Shell at the end of the season. The team issued a statement calling Schefter a rumor-monger, and questioning his credibility given his ties to the Broncos. Al Davis then proceeded to do exactly as Schefter said, firing Shell after a 2-14 finish.

Check out ESPN’s Outside The Lines feature on Tom Cable after the jump…

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Teflon Tom: Napa Valley DA Drop Cable’s Assault Case

Apparently former (but really current since he is still getting chipped off) Raiders defensive assistant Randy Hanson kicked his own azz during an altercation with head coach Tom Cable a few months ago. After a lengthy investigation the Napa Valley Police Department decided not to file charges against Cable, even after Hanson dimed out the poor man’s John Goodman saying he was the victim of a one-hitter quitter that fractured his jaw.

Hanson initially was unwilling to cooperate with investigators out of fear of retaliation and the negative impact that it could have on his career but then decided to drop the dime to the NVPD as well as Yahoo! Sports. Hanson admitted that Cable had in fact binged him in the grill during a heated exchange in a meeting with a few other coaches.

Napa County District Attorney Gary Lieberstein wasn’t rolling with Hanson’s side of the story and citing his unwillingness to cooperate at first, varying stories and the fact that Hanson decided to give more info to Yahoo! then he did to investigators. Lieberstein, who wasn’t at the event in question, decided to roll with the testimonies of the other unbiased witnesses, coaches whose livelihood rest on remaining in good standing with owner Al Davis.

The DA asserted, “there were no blows or punches thrown at or near Randy Hanson, nor were any verbal threats made by Tom Cable toward Mr. Hanson.” Instead Lieberstein claims that Hanson broken jaw was a result of him falling from the chair he was sitting in when Tom Cable decided to rush him.

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