Girl Fight: 2 Beezies Partaking In The Martial Arts

This video is damn near 5 years old, and the quality makes it look likw something from the mid 80’s, especially with Duran Duran’s Girls On Film serving as the soundtrack, but there is something sensual about these beezies going at it in the ancient art of Jiu-Jitsu. I prefer karate (ka-rah-tay) but any time there are moneyable (most-flexible defintion) ladies basically dry humping with a porno tune, I’m rolling. At one point they get to the ground in a position similar to the one that Borat and Azamat got into in the legendary hotel scene. This one has a slight edge, even though Azamat had way better cheeks than either of these beezies.

Canadian Hockey Team Beats USA To Win Gold Medal

Who cares? All you squares out there that pretended to like hockey because the USA was in the Gold medal game and you felt the need to join the bandwagon, as you were. Unless there is a solid fight, you know we AREN’T rolling hockey whatsoever. Video of Sidney Crosby’s golden goal and Canadian fan’s going crazy after the jump…

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Haterade: Tiger Woods Gets Dropped By Gatorade

After giving something like a heartfelt public address less than 2 weeks ago it appeared that Tiger Woods was on the verge of getting his marketability mojo back, after acknowledging that he was thirsty for decent-to-dime side boos. Sadly, Tiger’s mojo took a bit hit Friday when Gatorade announced that they were joining Accenture and AT&T as major brands to sever ties with what use to be their bottom beezy.

Whilst being thirsty isn’t an uncommon attribute for any dude, Tiger was able to capitalize on his thirst with the ultimate aphrodisiac–cheese. It probably didn’t help that he was mashing the really lighter shade of brown, which incites saltiness in an underestimated amount of “haters” across the globe. All I’m saying is if Tiger was banging fat black chicks, people wouldn’t be tripping as hard.

On the bright side, both Nike and Gillette (temporarily not rolling until the block cools down) have decided to keep breaking bread with Tiger, who is due for one of those comebacks that America is known for (see Kobe, Manny Ramirez). All it will take is a few wins and he will be welcomed back with open arms. Only losers don’t recover from a setback like this.

Gatorade’s statement on dropping Tiger Woods after the jump…

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LOL: Snowboarder Uses Medal To Score Chick

We have to give it up to this legend, USA snowboarder Scotty Lago, who after winning a bronze medal decided it would be a good idea to take it to the concrete in Vancouver to see if he could get a little action. And a little action he got, with this decent beezy who is probably best reserved for those late nights, when all other options have failed–also known as a last resort. Maybe if Lago won the gold, he could have secured the services of something closer to, if not a dime, but when you’re the 2nd loser, this is what you are relegated to.

Unfortunately for Lago, these somewhat humorous photos weren’t found so funny by the USOC, who basically forced Lago to issue an apology for publicly trying to get some action. Lago also decided to bounce from the Olympic Village, which had to be one of the hardest decisions of his life considering that the Village is usually a raging orgy of some of your more highly-skilled and thirstier athletes from across the country. After athletes finish with competition they generally are looking for someone to help them get their proverbial nut. Lago had to learn the hard way about the importance of keeping things on the DL. Via TMZ

It’s A Damn Shame What They Did To Tiger Woods

Now if Tiger had raped a girl (aka taking the cookie), or contracted the HIV then a public statement like this may have been necessary, but a man should never have to apologize to the world for trying to get his nut. Even if said dude is already with boo. It’s the primary reason that we are on this Earth, to procreate, reproduce and get that solid nut that can make a bad day go away. Tiger’s public address Friday wasn’t necessary, but it was appreciated as it finally gave all those out there waiting to hear from the legend some closure. Unfortunately for all those people salty that the majority of Tiger’s side boos were Becky’s (white), this closure will never come.

Some people are salty at Tiger’s scripted speech, in front of friends, family and a few down for the cause members of the media, but you have to at least give him an ‘A’ for effort. This speech would have been better served a few months ago, but odds are that Tiger was waiting for ALL of his side boos (aka whores) to come out of the woodwork. It would have sucked if he made this statement and then 10 more beezies came out saying that he was smashing, it would have made him look even worse. But with most, if not all of his jump-offs accounted for, Tiger and his people felt like this was a good time to come back like Pimpin’ Snooky.

I guess Tiger figured once nearly two dozen of his side boos came out, that the damage had pretty much been done, even if a few more stragglers come out and claim that he was smashing their cake’s as well. If you have damn near a billion dollars, then you should be allowed to have a solid stable of ladies ready and willing to satisfy your needs at your mercy. The only people that Tiger owes an apology to are his boo, her mama and his kids. After that he should have cut the deck.

We can’t wait for Tiger to make a come back like cooked crack, as if it ever left.

Decent: Danica Patrick Hollers At Jimmy Kimmel

The jury is still out on whether or not Danica Patrick is truly smashable, but she is definitely a solid late-nighter or what some would call a P-Roacher (true legends dig what I’m saying). Easily the dimest racer in Nascar history, Patrick’s debut last week was less than stellar, as she was involved in a crash on Lap 67, finishing 35th at the season-opener at Daytona.

Patrick is out in Cali getting ready for her second Nationwide appearance at Fontana this Saturday, so stopping by Kimmel as well as hollering at whoever else she can is standard. You have to imagine that other NASCAR drivers are a little salty at all the extra shine that Patrick is getting, without really proving herself on the track. This has to be great for NASCAR though, as more than just your average Redneck might actually start watching to see if she can do work.

Part 2 of Patrick’s interview after the jump…

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Tiger Woods Ready To Chop Some Game

I know for many squares out there this may be a big deal, Tiger finally breaking his self-imposed silence and chopping a little game in front of a select audience (comprised of those that have their mind’s right), but really this is just kind of whatevs. Tiger doesn’t owe anybody but his boo and family an apology, which I’m sure he has more then done in mind, spirit and wallet, breaking bread with his real boo Elin Nordegren, like it’s Thanksgiving 2006.

While Tiger’s transgressions may have been shady to the square contingent, keeping damn near 2 dozen beezies on the roster and maintaining a stable marriage is a somewhat admirable trait. Especially considering Tiger definitely didn’t get any action when he was a younger, squarer looking version of himself, with no cheese to boot. So much like a fat kid making his first trip to the ice cream parlor, Tiger was in heaven with the power of the p-u and the new found thirst that girls he once dreamed of mashing (and a few questionables) were offering up the nana.

It’s really unfortunate that snitching has become big business and that hoes are being praised financially for being hoes. Even though what Tiger did was morally wrong in the eyes of many, their opinion’s have nothing to do with this situation, a man shouldn’t be knocked for having a solid stable. It’s the way of the world.

Usain Bolt Serves Some Squares In The 400 Meter

Damn, it’s been almost 2 years since the pride of Jamaica (besides the sticky greenery) Usain Bolt was serving fools in the ‘Ville, getting more gold in the 2008 Olympics than Junebug from “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.” In case you didn’t know, that dude O.G.’d (Over-Golded). Bolt was back on the track recently where he took part in the 400 meter and true to form he smashed the competition. Only 2 years away from London, Bolt looks like he is on a mission to mash for some rations and break his 100 meter record. It’s only a matter of time.