ESPN Hires Pervert To Create Website Headlines

Doesn’t matter if they spit or swallow, they should still get a #1.

This ESPN.com front page headline that was prevalent throughout the better part of Thursday raises a question that I have pondered about several of my ex-girlfriend’s, side boo’s, late-night’s etc. throughout the course of my life. Generally whenever they rush to the bathroom post-slurp. Consider their that Syracuse are the Orangemen it is a little clever, but still a little too edgy and perverted for the mainstream media. Leaves these types of headlines to the bloggers bros.

LOL: Dwight Howard & Magic Clowing During Pregame

Dwight Howard, White Chocolate and the rest of the Magic squad put on a pretty entertaining pregame show for fans in attendance for their game in New Jersey March 5. These types of displays of unity are common throughout the NBA, most notably in Cleveland, where the LeBron and the Cavs give fans their money’s worth, before the ball is even tipped off. Playing the Nets this season is pretty much a vacation for any team that comes to town.

If you’re a true basketball fan then you can definitely appreciate these type of shenanigans from the variety of legends (of all ages) that the Magic have on their loaded roster. These dudes look like they are having fun, enjoying the game that the get big cheese to play.

There is way too many legendary things to point out so check out a decent log of all the action just in case you missed something after the jump…

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Justifyable Caking: Reggie & Kim K In Costa Rica

When your boo has a shooter like McGavin, then it’s never a bad idea to take her on a vacation to Costa Rica to see what that thang look (and smell) like in a bikini. After winning the Super Bowl and his job in New Orleans Reggie Bush is probably feeling on top of the world with that roster bonus hitting like some switches in Cali circa 1994, so he took his boo Kim Kardashian way down south for a couple days of relaxing and smashing to boot. Guaranteed Reggie was like a squirrel preparing for the winter.

More pics of Kim’s cakes after the jump…

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Ghettooh: Cuban’s Get Active During Baseball Melee

As you can see, dudes that get hit by pitches in Cuba take that ‘ish seriously. After blatantly getting hit by a pitch, the batter takes off after the pitcher with a baseball bat, while the pitcher does what anybody who doesn’t know karate (or Ka-razy) would have done, broke like the policia was chasing him. I’m surprised that the batter didn’t bing more people with his massive wood (was that gay?) Surely someone will try to blame this (base)brawl on communism or Fidel Castro or both. Via Deadspin

Holler Back: Merlin Olsen Chunks The Deuces

Hall of Famer and Former Rams Legend Merlin Olsen passed away at age 69 Thursday after a battle with mesothelioma (cancer), which is easily one of the worst-sounding diseases known to man. Olsen was diagnosed with the form of lung cancer about a year ago and has kept a low profile in that time. The Utah State graduate, won the Outland Trophy in 1961 and was the Rams’ 3rd overall pick in the 1962 draft. Olsen was apart of the “Fearsome Foursome” the infamous defensive line, that also featured Deacon Jones, Rosey Grier and Lamar Lundy.

A beast in his time, Olsen was known for his compassion on opposing quarterbacks, unlike the original QB Killa Deacon Jones, who was notorious for trying to deliver the wood as a means of exciting his. Olsen gained a greater satisfaction from merely getting the tackle, shutting down the offense and moving on to the next play. In his 15 seasons with the Rams Olsen was selected to 14 Pro Bowls and an was named MVP in 1974. He was selected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1982

Following his football career Olsen took advantage of being a celebrity in Los Angeles, parlaying his success on the gridiron into a solid acting career, teaming with Michael Landon on Little House On The Prairie and eventually getting his own spin-off, Father Murphy. Olsen had a very successful career as a broadcaster working for both NBC and CBS during his days in the booth.

Video of The Fearsome Foursome and Olsen portraying his legendary “Father Murphy” character after the jump…

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Sick Goal: Ronaldo Goes Through Goalie’s Legs

There is a reason that Cristiano Ronaldo is regarded as one of the sickest of all time, besides serving more dimes than the neighborhood dope man, the Real Madrid winger is notorious for scoring some of your more sweeter goals. Wednesday during Real’s Champions League matchup with Lyon, Ronaldo came with this crazy goal, which ended up going through the Goalie’s legs similar to one of those And 1 videos that Footlocker use to give up with reasonable purchase. Unfortunately Lyon came back to tie the game and pull of one the upset to advance to the next round. Either way after watching Ronaldo, all you can say is, “that boy good!”

Guess Who’s Bizzack: Marion Jones Signs With WNBA

After the humiliation of her steroid usage and doing hard time in the clink for lying to federal investigators about juicing and for her participation in check fraud scheme, former track legend Marion Jones is back like cooked crack (as if it ever left) agreeing to a deal with the WNBA’s Tulsa Shock. Jones had previously been training in San Antonio with their WNBA squad, the Silver Stars in hopes of making a return to the sport that she dominated during her college days at North Carolina, winning the Natty in 1994 as the squad’s starting point guard. Now she team up with another former NCAA Champion, with former Arkansas head coach Nolan Richardson serving in the same position with the shock.

Even though the Silver Stars weren’t rolling with Jones she has found a home not too far away and will now train in Tulsa until the WNBA season kicks off in a few months. This is great news for Jones, who served 6 months in prison and was stripped of all her Olympic medals as a result of the steroid scandal. The Shock probably won’t contend for a championship, but it will allow Jones to move on with her life and give her the opportunity to get her shine on professionally in a new sport.

Video of Jones’ introductory press conference with the Shock after the jump…

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Sick Shot: Kobe Hits 6th Game-Winner This Season

Kobe may like to grab other dude’s meats, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t arguably the clutchest player in NBA history. With each game-winner, Kobe becomes closer to distancing himself from Michael Jordan in this debate. This game-winner couldn’t have come at a better time, as the Lakers were in the midst of a 3-game losing streak, in desperate need of a win to get that proverbial monkey off their back. Kobe came through yet again and prevented a potential disaster.

Sadly even though LeBron James is securing his title as the greatest of all times, he will probably never be regarded at the level of a Jordan and Bryant in terms of being clutch. This is mainly due to the fact that in order to be a clutch player, your team has to be in a close game. King James isn’t in nearly as many close games as Kobe and the Lakers, and even though they win more of them than they lose, it’s never a good sign when it takes a last-second shot to defeat some of your nastier squads in the league.